Sometimes I'm aware of my invisibility.
People lay their sight upon me but look right through.
I don't know that anyone has ever taken in a full view.
I don't think that even I have shone light in every corner of my space.
And yet we know we are here.
We feel.
We laugh.
We push.
We love.
We carve out these cyberspaces and pour out what we've been carrying.
We express.
We confess.
We rant.
We reveal.
Still, I walk around feeling invisible
And I don't know if it is because I can not be seen
Or that I consciously want to be unseen.
_____________________________
I am actually in a better mood today my friends, just feeling reflective. My workouts have been exhausting which is good. I'm terrified of the scale but I think I may step on it this weekend. I'll keep you posted.
You ladies...well, you're just awesome-sauce! The kindness, thoughtfulness, love, and support you all give to me so freely is something I treasure as much as the air that I breathe. Thank you.
I'm not at all hungry this morning so I'm going to put off eating for as long as possible...hopefully all day!
Boo Food.
Yay Me!
xoxoxox :)
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my journey to thin
Hey dear,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment, it make me think.
I know that invisibility feeling all too well.
Sometimes its a blessing, sometimes its a curse.
But I think I've decided I want to be seen.
I always linked my invisibility to thinking I didnt deserve to be seen.
But I think I deserve to be seen. To be alive.
And you do too :)
I;m glad youre in a better mood, exhausting workouts always makke me feel better too!
Youre awesome sauce yourself :]
Stay strong, today and everyday
Love, Andy
you are touching on sometimes that bothers me sometimes. reading your blog, I think, I might pass you on the street and not see you, the same way you would not see me. I don't understand how to change that or if we even should, if its more about changing ourselves than others.
ReplyDeletehave a lovely food free day!
xoxo Ginger
Yay you!
ReplyDeleteYou really have been pretty darn impressive lately. I really need to get back to the gym, it's been weeks!
It's funny, I understand what you mean about being invisible, but I actually think I'm the opposite. I always feels conspicuous. Sometimes I think it is for the right reasons and sometimes the wrong ones. And I kinda like it. Perhaps it's vain, but I have this huge need to "be somebody" and have people notice me. A lot of the time though I just feel like a big fat fool, and that's not what I want to be noticed for...
that was an amazing poem. did you write it yourself?
ReplyDeleteI don't feel invisible (i'm pretty much the only non-white person in a small town) because people stare, but i think my personal EDNOS stuff is invisble to the outside world (which is how i want it to stay) is invisible.
and yes to the competition. we'll have to define the rules and what not but once we decide, I can make a post about it and whoever wants to do it can.
Hope the sun lamp helps you; I've heard great things about them.
ReplyDeleteThis line was fantasmic:
ReplyDelete"We carve out these cyberspaces and pour out what we've been carrying."
I don't know why I like it so much, other than it makes "us" (as in, everyone with a blog like this) seem like one unit. One army of women and men trying to come as close to perfect as our will-power allows. I like that image. It's empowering!
I feel so overtly visible and unavoidably monstrous at every second of each day and I hate it so much.
ReplyDeleteAhhh thinking of stepping on the scale? So brave. Just like always, though, with you. Brave and inspiring :)
I'm really happy to hear your spirits are lifted a bit and that you've been getting some benefits and relief from your hard work at the gym.
Lots and lots of love
xoxoxo
you write beautifully... i dont mind being invisible so much anymore, i dont know if its because im just desensitized after years of being ignored or because im so busy chasing after my son that i dont have time to care.
ReplyDeleteim so glad your doing good! sounds like your as strong as ever!
meg
i can't decide about the power of invisibility...sometimes i like it, sometimes it just plain hurts. Glad you're in a better mood though, be brave, stay strong x
ReplyDelete