06 January 2010

Empty = Good

I love feeling empty.  At moments like this I can't imagine why I binge although I do realize that I purge so that I can get this feeling back.

Emptiness is invigorating!

So last night was not stellar.  I had a half cup of tabouli with a few chips (~ 150 cals) and a small bowl of cereal with low fat skim milk (~ 100 cals) of which I purged all as much as I could and then went to bed.  Including the green smoothie yesterday morning I think I probably  ended the day somewhere between 5-600 cals.  Not perfect but not too awful.  I did wake up this morning feeling empty so that made me happy. 

Thus far this morning I've had a low carb protein shake (110 cals) so that I could get down all of my supplements.  My new ones arrived yesterday and I was excited to take them all this morning!  I love supplements and I'll try anything to lose weight.  I'm now taking cinnamon and cayenne along with a million other things.  They are supposed to be good for metabolism.  Who knows if they will help but I'm guessing that they can't hurt.

Oh, and I totally forgot that we have to go to PA to visit M's family this weekend.  It is a post-Christmas/his-dad's-birthday celebration because we spent Christmas with my family.  I am less than happy about it.  I mean, I love my in-laws but these are the same people (if you recall my Thanksgiving post) that made like 15 pies for 14 people to have after Thanksgiving dinner!  They eat too damn much and far too often.  M is always a total pig when we are there.  You would think that I don't feed him.  Okay, I don't ...but that is not the point!  It is ridiculous the amount of crap they eat.  I am going to be strong and drink lots of water and take an extra dose of phentermine while I'm there.  If I can get through Saturday with no more then 1000 calories it will be a MIRACLE.  Wish me luck.

I am planning to live on protein shakes and green smoothies from now until Saturday.  If I do that then I can keep my calories under 500 per day easy.  Saturday will be the in-laws food hell (wish me luck!) and then on Sunday I am getting back on my plan with only a green smoothie and a protein shake.  Monday it is back to fasting and hopefully a full week as originally scheduled.

I am going to reach my goals.

They may slow me down but they will not stop me.

Be strong and stay lovely!
(I got "stay lovely" from Della via Phantasmagorical Delusion. I love the sentiment so I'm sharing it with everyone!)



  1. Good Luck on sticking to your plan. I know what a challenge that can be when food is just shoved in your face every time you look up.

  2. Your plan sounds great, I think you'll be fine if you stick to the smoothies for the rest of the week & then when you get to your in-laws drink heaps of water and eat really really slowly :)

    Don't worry you can do this! Focus on your goal and stay strong xx

  3. Please tell me my eyes deceive me and that you do *not* have to go to the land of the copious pies! How dreadful. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you so much strength this weekend.

    Try to keep in mind the feeling of emptiness you woke up with today; it's also the thing that is keeping me going.

    You're doing amazingly and this weekend is nothing more than a bump in the road. This is our year, I just know it.


  4. Good luck sweet heart, i wish you self control! Xx

  5. First off, I'm so glad you like "stay lovely" enough to say so. :) I know we all need to stay strong, obviously, but that's all that seems to go through our minds ALL day long. "Stay strong, resist that food, lose the weight, stay on track..." I found this voice giving me orders ALL the friggin' time, but never providing any real rewards, even when I WAS strong and managed to resist. That's not fair. I was strong, I deserve an effin' pick-me-up every once in while.

    So I've begun to tell myself what I'd like to hear from other people, positive self-talk, all that. Of course I don't always believe it yet, but it's definitely changed my attitude for the better; I can feel it. :)

    Also...Dang it to hell, I thought I was already following you! Lol...I was wondering why I hadn't seen any updates or anything, but I've visited your blog a few times now and absolutely love it...Bad on me. But that problem has been remedied, so no worries. :)

    I'm off to update my own, actually... I have so much brilliant genius in my head at this moment that it simply must come out! ;)

    Stay lovely. <3