12 November 2009

"You've really lost a lot of weight in the last year."

So I had my annual "chick" appointment this morning. (Make sure you get them if you can ladies...VERY important!)

I didn't remember until I was sitting in the waiting room that they were going to weigh me.


I panicked. I have been avoiding the scale like the plague because I can't take it. The numbers just fuel my madness. The number is never good enough, even if it is going down, and it just drives me to food and then depression. So I haven't weighed myself in months and have just been going by clothing size.

Clothes are getting too baggy = Yay!
Clothes are getting tight = Massive Depression

Happily, everything is baggy these days so I'm pleased.

Anywhoooo...I get on the scale and the number, which I can not bring myself to type, is smaller then I'd expected (Yay!) but far too high to be proud of (You fucking fat cow!). I'm feeling bad throughout the exam and near the end my doctor casually looks at my chart and then at me and says the most wonderful sentence I've ever heard...

"You've really lost a lot of weight in the last year."

I wanted to kiss her.

Because you know, I get so obsessed with right now that I forget the ocean for the waves.

She is right. I have lost a respectable amount of weight in the last year even though I am no where near my goal.

And just for today, I have decided to be happy with that.

The scale is moving in the right direction. And that is okay with me. :)

So far today nothing but coffee.



  1. congrats on stepping back to see the big picture!! I keep having to remind myself that a 5lb gain is nothing in comparison to what I've kept off.

  2. Yay! It's awesome when we can take a step back and realize we HAVE made progress, even if the finish line keeps getting farther and farther away.

    Now if only I could follow your example and stop eating (and purging) everything in sight. It's getting freaking annoying.

  3. Even if you're not at the figure you want to be yet the fact that you have made and are continuing to make progress is fantastic!! You should take all the joy in the world from those words because you deserve it! Be happy and let that happiness motivate you.
    I love your post 'Africana on eating' by the way (sorry am only just catching up on blogs!)
    Ophelia xx

  4. That is so awesome! Congrats!

  5. yay good stuff, I remember when I was just happy to have stopped gaining weight, then it actually started to come down and I was happpy again, but then it seems that when skinnier goals become possible its harder to feel good about your weight. Well done for giving yourself a break and being happy about what you have achieved.
    I don't think I have ever posted on here, but I have been following your blog for a while and you have been an inspiration/thinspiration to me. Look after yourself hun xx

  6. Congrats!! :) Let your happiness guide you for sure! I know that any tiny happy step I take, gets me more into control with what my goals are!

  7. ooh i cant wait till i get to hear those wonderful words. (so jealous lol) your doing so great and yes, the scale is the devil till your at your goal weight... even then it can still be evil but what matters is that your seeing results. (applause)*** fireworks
    stay strong

  8. I am the same way, I prefer to judge by my clothes. The numbers really stick in my head and haunt me if I go by weight.

    Congrats on the number being lower than you were fearing and I'm glad you got to enjoy your hard work, on this day... good days are few and far between for us all.