Every morning I get up with a head full of good intentions.
Today, I will eat responsibility or fast successfully.
Today, I will shine light on my shadows and see myself as I am…and love me anyway.
Today, I will get to the gym and energize my body with movement.
Today, I will clean out my over-flowing in box at work.
Today, I will not drink alcohol.
Today, I will...
Who the fuck am I kidding??
Whoever said “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” was damn right.
I can’t seem to get the b/p under control. Some days are better then others but I am purging every day and the last few days have ended with some out of control binges. I feel horrible. I feel lonely. I feel tired and bloated and generally sad.
My life is far from terrible but I feel like I’m falling to an emotional abyss. I am terrified to tell anyone in my life what is really going on with me. I fear anyone seeing the real fucked up person that I am. I’m pretty convinced they will all leave me alone and fat anyway.
C’est ma vie.
Well, I’ve taken a few laxies this afternoon and hopefully that will help with the bloat and I’m going to do a saltwater flush tomorrow to keep things moving. I am also going to go to the gym tonight after work to try to kick my ass both figuratively and literally.
This never ends does it?
Has anyone in the history of the world ever “won” this game??
Gah. I already want a drink.
Sorry for this bitchy post ladies. I just had to get this off of my chest.