07 November 2009

I do NOT know how to eat.

Okay, seriously...

I do not know how to eat.


When I do eat, I purge. Even if it is something "healthy".

When I don't eat, I think about eating and purging.

I have no concept of enjoying and digesting a "reasonable" meal.

Jesus Christ.

In the last two weeks almost everything I have consumed has been purged. Even when I've gone to the vegan restaurant around the corner. It is all fresh, vegan, and low calorie but I can not HELP but to purge it away.


I've resigned myself to my fate.

I will throw up until the weight stops dropping.

And then I will starve.


I do love you ladies so. Please don't think me too vain or too crazy.
You are the only ones that I think even begin to understand my madness.
I love you and appreciate you more then words can express.


  1. hey dont worry about it. we are all like that. i dont know when was the last time i enjoyed a normal meal without thinking about having to purge it out. i cant seem to be able to eat anything but cabbage right now which is crazy. i think you are wonderful and your blog really rocks. stay strong.

  2. Purging is a dangerous habit to start, and addicting as well. Once you begin to throw up, you can't stop. Every calorie becomes the enemy. There's no way around it.

    It's why I refuse to let myself purge. It's why stopping is so hard. Remember, that not all calories are bad. You need a certain amount to stop your metabolism from coming to a screeching halt. And when you purge, it will damage your throat and teeth and yeah...what stops me from doing it is this overwhelming fear of my teeth falling out. I've had nightmares about it.

    I'm worried about you, but I worry about everyone. Don't let this destroy you. Falling in too deep and too quick can cause you to crash and burn, and binge, and eventually get caught. And I don't like when you're upset.

    ♥ I'll stop fretting now.

  3. unfortunately, thats the way things are.
    I can't eat a normal meal, and enjoy it.
    but hey, got to keep going,
    we'll get there. x