04 November 2009

Africana on Eating

To eat means to agonize at all non-eating times about what could/should/would possibly go easily in and come easily up.

To eat means to ensure you have a large glass of water or better yet soda (the bubbles help!) on hand so that the liquid makes the purging less harsh.

To eat means to love ice cream and yogurts for they are smooth on the way in and on the way out.

To eat means to panic if you must go to a restaurant with co-workers at lunch who talk too damn much and always want to accompany you to the bathroom when you need to "freshen up"/lighten-up after you scarf down a sandwich at The Corner Bakery.

To eat means to hate yourself with each bite, to smile with each heave, and to sob at the end of each day.

To eat means to watch other people in absolute amazement when you pass them pushing their full grocery carts and realize that they actually intend to DIGEST all of that food!

To eat means to spend your money on bullshit that you have no intention of keeping down for longer then a few minutes, if you can help it.

To eat means to find a small bakery that specializes in the MOST devine cupcakes located a few blocks from your job, then to stop at said bakery one day and purchase a half dozen of the unbelievable beauties, delicately carry them on the subway, kiss your husband when you get home, go upstairs and gulp down all 6 cupcakes with a soda, immediately purge the lot, rinse the mouth, and then go down stairs to watch TV with hubby before bedtime.

To eat means to feel full only when you are convinced that you are completely or close to emptied.

To eat is torture.
To binge is madness.
To starve is devine.



  1. hi africana...
    i just wanted to wish you well and say good-bye - i'm deleting my blog.
    thanks for being a part of this journey with me.
    take care and all the best... xox

  2. Agreed. Very much so.
    Too bad the 'starving' part seems so out of reach sometimes.

  3. oh wow, its like you read my mind. i hate thinking about whether or not i can easily purge up certain foods. it was all beautifully written.
    stay strong


  4. SO brilliantly put. The elegant farce.


  5. totally agree. thinking about how others are actually digesting their three course lunch meals for hours after lunch is both frightening and gratifying at the same time ... stay strong! xx maia

  6. Wow, that was wonderful.. I am in total relation to the bakery part... as I've done something like that myself, several times. The worst was kissing my hubby when he got home from work, fully knowing what I'd do and then later pretend never happened. Sigh... Stay Strong!

  7. Yep, six hours. It is BOTH seriously long and seriously curly. But then I don't do anything to it at all for six months, so I figure it all averages out.

    And I LOVE the classic Angela Davis afro -- it is so chic and defiant!

  8. Starving is a bitter sweet feeling..but eating definately brings guilt