My husband does not seem to give a damn about my weight.
Of course I'm not tipping 300+ lbs so maybe I don't know where his boundaries are. hmmm...
My point is, he genuinely doesn't seem to get the least bit ruffled by my past gains/losses of 10-15 lbs. They drive me to madness but he still keeps on groping and kissing me so I guess he's okay with it.
What does seem to ruffle him lately is my mood in relation to my weight. When I'm gaining I'm miserable to live with. When I'm losing I'm a joy to be around. I think he's figured this out enough to find subtle ways to help me lose thus keep me smiling.
Case and point - cookies entered our home last weekend. [Okay...yes... I brought them in butthatisnottheissue!] I consumed one cookie and basically my mood turned from pleasant/sweet to cranky/evil in a matter of seconds. Seriously, like instantaneous Jeckyll and Hyde stuff.
After witnessing this transformation he took the cookies away and hid them from me. I sulked downstairs later to ask for one and he says, in all seriousness, "Are you sure?". I paused and realized that I wasn't at all sure. Fucking cookies. I got mad again and stomped upstairs - sans cookie.
I think of this story today and realize that my husband is just what I need; a man that cares about my happiness more then my weight. Lord knows that I obsess about my weight enough for the both of us.
And so today, nothing but coffee with almond milk and sweet 'n low again. I've been living on less then 200 calories for the past few days. I'm not eating at the office because I sit on my ass too damned much to justify a single calorie. In the evenings when I get home (usually after 7pm) I've been eating a cup or two of raw broccoli and nibbling on about an ounce this delicious smoked salmon that I found at Costco.
I know that the pounds are dropping because my clothes are notably loser this week but I have no idea what I weigh because I can not yet face the scale. I want to wait until one of my suit skirts falls off of me. Then maybe I will weigh myself. Or maybe not. I don't know.
I wonder if my husband would care if I never ate again?
Just had a mini-breakdown and ate 4 small cookies and a single wrapped twizzler. The cookie box said they were 110cals for two plus the twizzler and I'm over my daily 200 but that is okay. [deep breath] I purged up a little (but not enough) and the out-of-control feeling has passed. Thank heavens for my 2 hour commute home! If I can just stay out of the fucking kitchen until 5pm then I've got the commute home where I can't eat and then I'm taking a sleeping pill and going directly to bed. F the TV. I can't risk staying up tonight. Consciousness = temptation.
Your comments totally motivated me ladies. GRACIAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!