15 October 2009

My husband doesn't care.

My husband does not seem to give a damn about my weight.

Of course I'm not tipping 300+ lbs so maybe I don't know where his boundaries are. hmmm...

My point is, he genuinely doesn't seem to get the least bit ruffled by my past gains/losses of 10-15 lbs. They drive me to madness but he still keeps on groping and kissing me so I guess he's okay with it.

What does seem to ruffle him lately is my mood in relation to my weight. When I'm gaining I'm miserable to live with. When I'm losing I'm a joy to be around. I think he's figured this out enough to find subtle ways to help me lose thus keep me smiling.

Case and point - cookies entered our home last weekend. [Okay...yes... I brought them in butthatisnottheissue!] I consumed one cookie and basically my mood turned from pleasant/sweet to cranky/evil in a matter of seconds. Seriously, like instantaneous Jeckyll and Hyde stuff.

After witnessing this transformation he took the cookies away and hid them from me. I sulked downstairs later to ask for one and he says, in all seriousness, "Are you sure?". I paused and realized that I wasn't at all sure. Fucking cookies. I got mad again and stomped upstairs - sans cookie.

I think of this story today and realize that my husband is just what I need; a man that cares about my happiness more then my weight. Lord knows that I obsess about my weight enough for the both of us.

And so today, nothing but coffee with almond milk and sweet 'n low again. I've been living on less then 200 calories for the past few days. I'm not eating at the office because I sit on my ass too damned much to justify a single calorie. In the evenings when I get home (usually after 7pm) I've been eating a cup or two of raw broccoli and nibbling on about an ounce this delicious smoked salmon that I found at Costco.

I know that the pounds are dropping because my clothes are notably loser this week but I have no idea what I weigh because I can not yet face the scale. I want to wait until one of my suit skirts falls off of me. Then maybe I will weigh myself. Or maybe not. I don't know.


I wonder if my husband would care if I never ate again?

Just had a mini-breakdown and ate 4 small cookies and a single wrapped twizzler. The cookie box said they were 110cals for two plus the twizzler and I'm over my daily 200 but that is okay. [deep breath] I purged up a little (but not enough) and the out-of-control feeling has passed. Thank heavens for my 2 hour commute home! If I can just stay out of the fucking kitchen until 5pm then I've got the commute home where I can't eat and then I'm taking a sleeping pill and going directly to bed. F the TV. I can't risk staying up tonight. Consciousness = temptation.

Your comments totally motivated me ladies. GRACIAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  1. Wow, your husband sounds great. If only we could ALL find a man that just really doesn't care about anything but 'what's on the inside! : D'
    Of course, that would just be too easy, right? XD

  2. I don't think men really notice our weight fluctuations as much as women do. I can drop or gain ten pounds, and my man never notices. It's sweet that he doesn't get sour with you though!
    I know what you mean about an office job too - I hate sitting around all day and then watching my coworkers stuff their faces. Really? Have you worked THAT hard?
    And hooray for baggier closes! Congratulations!

  3. I think our husbands must be twins or something, because M does the same thing. When I say I don't want any dinner he says, "Ok, let me know if you change your mind!" He hides my favorite snacks from me and doles them out in carefully measured portions only when I demand them and only after asking if I really want them. He even packs my lunch box for me! (One sprite zero, two pieces of fruit, two hard boiled eggs - neither yolk of which will be eaten - and one energy bar.)

    But it's weird, because when he asks me if I really want a snack, about half the time I get annoyed and eat it to spite him. (Yes, I know, he's not the one I'm spiting.) And if he forgets a lunch box egg I'll get crazy mad and accuse him of trying to starve me. (Never mind that I'm the one who wants me to weigh 105.) Sometimes I think I'd do better if I had to hide my behavior from him.

    I'm so jealous of your 200-calorie days!

  4. I'm pretty sure he would care if you never ate again. I don't think he wants you to pass out either. But you are SOOOO lucky to have an adorable, caring, sweet wonderful, loving husband...but then again, you definitely deserve him!And not to worry, I do the Jeckyl/ Hyde thing all of the time with food. Its so ridiculous. Unfortunately my mom is under the "fight through it, eat more, you'll get over it" mindset. Thank goodness I don't have to deal with that until late November, though. Anywho, stay strong. =) <3 <3

  5. I am realising the same thing about my boyfriend, as much as i tell myself he will only love me when I'm thin, sometimes I believe he truly does care.
    and congrats on the low intakes, your clearly doing amazingly if your clothes are falling off! keep up the good work x

  6. I think I just fell in love with your husband. Or atleast his love for you. If that makes sense. Good luck for tonight! T.