Yesterday wasn't perfect but I did keep things below 600 calories which doesn't completely suck. Thus far today I've mapped out 500 calories for myself and consumed just half of that thus far. I'm not eating anything else until after I get home from the gym tonight.
I really need a few good fasting days but I can't seem to find the strength for it right now. I didn't binge yesterday but I did purge up the soup I ate when I got home. I'm having such a hard time not purging every day. If I don't binge though I still seem to be losing weight albeit slowly.
I just want to get through the holidays weighing less than I started. Once January hits I'm on a mission to lose as much weight as possible before S's wedding which is either going to be in July or September of 2010.
I'm feeling a bit more in control today but not enough to pull off a fast. Why is it that sometimes it is so easy and sometimes it is so damned hard??
I just ate two thin slices of deli roast beef for lunch (I'm avoiding carbs like the plague today) and I am seriously considering going to purge it.
Fuck it. I'm skipping dinner. I need to be empty again.
Why does hunger make me feel better???
The roast beef didn't get digested.
Sweet emptiness, Please consume me.