01 December 2009

So far so good.

Yesterday wasn't perfect but I did keep things below 600 calories which doesn't completely suck. Thus far today I've mapped out 500 calories for myself and consumed just half of that thus far. I'm not eating anything else until after I get home from the gym tonight.

I really need a few good fasting days but I can't seem to find the strength for it right now. I didn't binge yesterday but I did purge up the soup I ate when I got home. I'm having such a hard time not purging every day. If I don't binge though I still seem to be losing weight albeit slowly.

I just want to get through the holidays weighing less than I started. Once January hits I'm on a mission to lose as much weight as possible before S's wedding which is either going to be in July or September of 2010.

I'm feeling a bit more in control today but not enough to pull off a fast. Why is it that sometimes it is so easy and sometimes it is so damned hard??

I just ate two thin slices of deli roast beef for lunch (I'm avoiding carbs like the plague today) and I am seriously considering going to purge it.

Fuck it. I'm skipping dinner. I need to be empty again.
Why does hunger make me feel better???


The roast beef didn't get digested.

Sweet emptiness, Please consume me.



  1. i cant help but purge when i feel like ive eaten too much, even if i haven't. it really helps if you plan out exactly what you are allowed to eat that day. that way you know that you havent gone over and possibly trick your mind into seeing that. but i do purge when i "accidentally" binge.even if the binge isnt that much i cant help but try to get it all out of my system. you are doing great though so dont worry about having some dinner, though you might want to eat before you go to the gym that way you can burn it off and its not sitting in you when you go to sleep.
    keep up the good work


  2. I know how you feel where emptiness makes you feel.. complete. Oh the irony!

    I wish you best of luck through the holidays!!

  3. weddings are great motivation. Buy your outfit early and small, you will look fabulous!

    and i soooo agree about the fasting thing; why is it so easy some days & so hard on others?!