31 December 2009

On the cusp.

I've got something to prove in the new year.

A friend told me last week that I'm "too atune to the needs of other people" and so I never take time to make myself happy.  His words rang so true that they knocked the wind out of my lungs.

I've been this way my whole life.  I always put everyone before me.  Even my most seemingly selfish moments were often derived from wanting to please someone else deeply.  Does that even make sense??  I don't know if I can put it into words but the bottom line is that for the first time I realize that I need and want to prove something to just myself.

I rarely fail other people...why on earth have I kept failing myself???

2009 was a great year because I married the man of my dreams.  M is easily the best thing that ever happened to me and I thank the universe every day for him.

But 2010 is all about me baby!

This year, I intend to marry myself...and dammit I will NOT be a fat bride again!

I may stumble and I will probably fall...but I will never give up.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, you ladies give me strength more than you know.  I've always been the support group but I've never really had one of my own.  Sure, my family has been there for me but there is so much that I can't tell them.  They need to see me happy-and-smiling or there is drama.

You ladies understand the good, the bad, and the ugly that I feel.
Thank you!

So good riddance 2009.  I'm ready to let you go.

Thin in '10!
Thin in '10!
Thin in '10!



  1. I'd give you a hug right now if I could. I am having some revelations too and can relate so much to what you say. Especially how anything good I've ever done for myself is to impress or to spite someone else. In 2010 we can become the beautiful people we want to, inside and out. You are such a strong and wonderful person and I hope you know that. I believe in you so much and have found someone really inspiring in you.


  2. Thin in '10. I like that! Good luck!

  3. I like your attitude!

    2010 will be better!!

  4. I love you, you and your powerness. This
    year gonna be so awesome. Stay strong.

    kate lunacy <3

  5. love this... I too was a "fat bride" in 2009. now is time for us! we can be who we always dreamed to be. 2010 is the year for struggling and achieving. feel it in my bones.

    xoxo Ginger

  6. i love your motto. stay strong. you can do it. =]

  7. I really love your blog...you're such an inspiration!! And you're right...take some time for YOU. If being thin will make you happy, then be thin!! I believe you can do it...I KNOW you can do it!!!!