I walked in the bathroom this morning and said "fuck you" to my toilet.
I didn't miss it.
Mia was sitting on a little chair behind it,
just relaxing and filing her nails.
She grinned at me.
"You'll be back."
"Fuck you too."
and promptly ignored her.
I feel gooooooooooood this morning ladies.
Shockingly good. :D
I've awoke once again with a gloriously empty tummy and no lingering taste of the previous night's binge in the back of my throat.
I've been fasting during the day all of this week. I make a low-cal smoothie when I get home before bed. Last night I came home and made a small green smoothie:
1/2 cup low-fat vanilla kefir (it's like drinkable yogurt)
1.5 cups frozen blueberries
2 cups spinach (first blended with water)
Total = 212 cals
I really want to keep my smoothies as low cal as possible. This one was a bit heavy on the blueberries and lighter on the vanilla kefir so the taste wasn't as sweet but it was still good and I felt satisfied afterward.
After the smoothie I spent some quality time with M for awhile and went to bed...purge free! :)
I know as part of the challenge we are supposed to give our mid-week weight but I can't manage it. I have serious scale phobia. The scale makes me positively crazy. I pretty much go by how my clothes are fitting. If skirts are sliding off my hips then I'm happy. I am just going to focus on not purging and hardcore restricting for now. I'll try to muster up the strength to get on the scale once my current "status suit" looks too huge to wear. And I'm getting close! I wore the ss-suit yesterday to work and realized that the skirt is hanging hilariously low on my hips. But I don't care. It feels good when my clothes start to fall off. It reminds me that I'm shrinking.
I'm planning on fasting today as well. We are gearing up for another big snow storm to start tomorrow morning. They are predicting 12-20 more inches! So M wants me to go grocery shopping tonight so that we don't have to venture out at all this weekend. I am feeling pretty strong about the grocery shopping. I know that I can buy enough low-cal stuff to get me through the weekend.
The only thing is that the weekends are when I am prone to binge. So is it wrong if I just plan a b/p for Saturday night? I am wondering if that will make me feel like I have more control over it. I mean, maybe I can get through today and Friday easier if I know that I can b/p on Saturday. You think??
Fuck...I am just making excuses to justify my fucked up disorder.
I'm really proud of making it three days.
But I'm also getting kind of scared.
Does that make any sense??