I don't have to go to the office. Yay! My boss, bless her heart, is letting me work from home this morning since the office closes at noon today and I have a ridiculous commute. It takes me almost 2 hours ONE WAY to get to work. My commute is without a doubt the bane of my existence. Thankfully my boss spared me the four hour round-trip commute for the 3.5 hours of office time I would have had. She has a good heart and I'm damn lucky to work for her.
Nevertheless I really want to bail on my email this morning and instead head to the gym to kick my own ass with a couple of spin classes. Work is a pain. Instead I will wait until noon once the office is closed... but it is killing me! Several hours at the gym is what I crave. I should still be able to slip in a cardio class or two before M gets home this afternoon.
I'm excited and nervous about working out. You would not believe how long it has been since I've been to the gym. I used to live there! I was a reliable fixture every morning. Now I'll be returning with my head down wearing fat sweatpants and "the t-shirt of shame". Oof. There really is no one to blame but me for this impending embarrassment.
I deserve to feel this way.
What the hell happened to me last year?
Who was that masked man?!
Gah, I'm so terrified that I will run into someone I know.
My fear of the gym is matched only by my panic at the thought of facing the scale right now. I still haven't found the strength to step on that dreaded monster. My dread of seeing a high number is keeping my eating in check though. Fear can be a great motivator! I came in under 1000 calories yesterday. Still too much but a vast improvement from where I was just a few weeks ago. I feel so much stronger and happier, like I'm waking up from a bad dream. Empowered. M noted my upbeat mood last night but attributed it to the lovely weather we've had this week. I didn't bother to correct him but I know the truth...
I am in control again.
Of course life will always have its ups and downs; its good days and bad days, but I am going to try and remember how much better the world looks through this lens.
Control feels better than any food could ever taste.
Annnnnnd on that note - I wish you all a lovely weekend!
Stay strong ladies.