I am not exactly sure that I understand what happened over the past year. I felt unbelievably dissatisfied with my life. Not what I would define as unhappy but definitely not happy. I felt restless and often miserable. I went to see a doctor and was assessed with ADD and prescribed Vyvanse. Though the Vyvanse helps my ADD I definitely have a history of abusing stimulants which I, of course, failed to mention to my doc. hmmm.....
I'm rambling. I don't know what point I want to make about the last year except that I completely threw away my control over food and many other things in my life. It was weird. I can't figure out what made me feel such despair. My husband is awesome, my family is healthy and happy, and my job is a blessing. Am I just nutty?
I feel like I don't deserve anything I have.
These last few weeks have felt like I am entering the shallow end of a warm pool. I'm walking in comfortably but with each step I realize I'm heading for the deep end...and I feel almost giddy even though I know I could drown.
I sooooo have issues.
I feel stronger though. My control is returning and frankly this is the happiest I've felt in AGES! I know I'm heading toward the deep end but I wonder if I can just stop when the water gets up to my neck.
Maybe I can.
But maybe I won't want to.