20 April 2011

She shoots, she....?

I've never once hit my goal weight.
And I've been dieting off and on forever.
My first serious diet experience was at 15.
I was so disgustingly fat at that age that my Mom just took me to a place called The Diet Workshop and signed me up.  They put me on a diet of 500 calories a day immediately.  I don't even think they have places that put you on really low calorie diets like that anymore!
Anyway - I lost like 13lbs in the first week! Oh - I was a TOTAL COW at 15.  Seriously, like over 200lbs!!!!
I was a walking atrocity.
Totally craziness.
I can hardly believe that I lived through my teens.

Even then I had a goal and I lost a bunch of weight but never hit my goal.
I still haven't to this day which is just so sad really.
I'm a grown woman and still fighting this battle.

I've been on every diet in the world but honestly I was most successful when I lost myself in restricting and fasting.  I guess that's why I am heading back down this road...but definitely avoiding that repulsive bitch mia this time.  I hate mia.

I refuse to let another year pass having not met my goal.
I'm just so damned tired of being fat and even more tired of letting myself down.

I do feel good today though!  I can tell that I'm losing weight.  I feel it.  The sense of control is sooooooooo loverly!  I am contemplating getting on the scale this weekend.  Maybe.
I am dying to know the number but I can't face the number I've gained.
Maybe I'll just get through this month with some serious restricting and weigh myself for the first time on May 1st.
yeah, that's it!
May 1st.
I wish like hell that I could lose 20lbs by then.

Don't eat!


*UPDATE*  Per Kitty's question below my ultimate goal weight is 120.  I'm 5'3" and told I have a "large frame"....FML.


  1. Wow, at least you know you've been in a worse place and that you can shed the weight with dedication.
    I'm feeling the control buzz at the moment too and loving it
    - stay on top of the world
    love x x

  2. Im just wondering.. What is your goal weight? and ya the sense of controll is amazing.. Mia is a bitch idd.. It has this power of pulling you so much down but at the same time the feeling of the fact that you can get rid of it all is empowering.. Sick sick circle.. I really hope that I can get off it soon..

  3. I'm also feeling a sense of control lately. Maybe it's the changing weather. It's that time of the year. A time of renewal. We can do this ladies! :-)