12 June 2009


I simply have nothing to say.

I've been wanting to post something all week but I keep drawing a blank or thinking everything I want to write is too stupid.

I'm unable to sleep without sedatives. My mind won't stop.

15 days until the wedding.

I'm a fat mess.

I have been eating so-so. My workouts though have been awesome. They are basically keeping me sane right now.

I don't know. I guess I'm just mad at myself for being such a fat slob.
I will never forgive myself for being a fat bride.

I'm closing in on the supposed happiest day of my life and all I truly want is to disappear.

Forgive me, I'm a whiny bore today.

Oh, and it's my birthday.

I intend to get stinking fucking drunk tonight...probably on an empty stomach.
Yay Chardonnay!

Stay hungry ladies.


  1. Happy birthday sweetness!

    Even if you can think of nothing to write in your blog, your comments are always fantastic :)

    I don't think I'll sleep tonight. Run out of pills.

    Whatever will become of us do you suppose? Will we eventually just learn to like ourselves?

  2. happy birthday!!
    -- and there's nothing like glasses of wine (i prefer a voigner or pinot grigio or reisling -- not sure if they are spelled right) to help you feel so much better. I think I'm gonna open a bottle tonight and drink it over the weekend - gawd knows i will need it.

  3. Happy Birthday!!

    Sorry you're so down today.

    It's ok, you'll still be a thinner bride than you would have been before you started - think about it, you're already smaller than your original dress!

    Try and enjoy your accomplishments so far!

  4. yea! nothing is better than wearing clothes that were once too small!!! Congrats!

  5. Happy birthday!!!

    i am sorry you feel that way.
    i think you should just don't give a fuck about anything, and enjoy your day! i know it's easy to say, but why no to at least give it a try?;)

  6. Happy birthday! And try to focus on the fact that you had to buy a second, smaller dress for your wedding. Come on, how deliciously gratifying is that!

  7. HI!
    I'm new here, just started my blog as well. I just read your whole blog.
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and i'm so sorry you're feeling down. What i do is think about the day i'll be at my goal weight, and all i see is happy. Hope this helps!

  8. happy birthday scrumtious ... dont be sad !! you have plenty of days left ... there is definately more time to put some hard core shrinkage into . think positive misses - im sure you will look gorgeous on your wedding day.. you will feel fantastic either way - everybody looks like a princess in a wedding dress .

    much love XX

  9. Glad you posted! I love your blog. I hope you do have a happy wedding. I hope your birthday went well. Chin up love

  10. Happy late birthday! I just recently started stalking your blog page (sorry swear I'm no creep, just bored at the office :) ) and you are so thinspiring!! keep up your hard work cause you have definitely motivated me!!

  11. I know your wedding's coming up, so I thought I'd let you know that I'm thinking about you and hoping everything's going well. Keep working out, try not to worry too much about restricting (it will probably be impossible for the next couple weeks) and know that you can get back to your weight loss after your honeymoon, if you want to.


  12. Hi babies.
    You haven't posted for a while. I hope you update soon to let us all know how it's going, and that you're okay. I hope the wedding went well.

  13. I know how you feel about being fat on your wedding day. I'll never NEVER forgive myself for that.