Good riddance!

I am sooooooooooooo glad Thanksgiving is over that I could just cry.

It was horrible.

An absurd amount of food was presented. It was my first time having Thanksgiving with the in-laws and these people... I mean...one of his cousins brought 5 pies and a fucking cake!! (This is not to mention the two pies, nut rolls, molasses cookies, and peanut butter/chocolate/vanilla varieties of fudge that my mother-in-law made too!!!)

There were only 14 of us there!

The freaking dessert table was as packed as the dinner table. It was UNREAL. M looked like a stuffed pinata on the way home. No joke. I didn't offer him any food at all yesterday. Nothing. I'm terrible right?!

I ate. I purged in their upstairs bathroom. Ugh.

And then...oh, get this...the entire family returns on Friday to eat leftovers...and...wait for it... they brought MORE desserts!!!! W.T.F???

So far today I've had a green smoothie (150 cals) and a yogurt (120 cals).

I just haven't the heart to eat anything else.

I'm heading to the gym after work and doing my best to pull myself together before M's birthday celebration this coming weekend.

Be strong ladies.

xoxox

*ahem*

Dear Tuesday,

I am starting my day now and would like to remind you that
YOU ARE NOT MONDAY so please do not be sucking.

Thank you.


p.s. To my ladies...I love you dearly; I am freaking out about all the evil food coming on Turkey day; and the friend referred to in last post asked me to be in her wedding (Ha! I am so gonna lose this weight!)

And for the love of Prada...please stay away from the pumpkin pies!!!

xoxoxoxoxox

Thoughts on competition

Celebrity thinspo is great but let's be honest here. We are in greatest competition day-to-day with the women we see in our everyday lives.

Case and point:

I have a really good friend. She is awesome and I love her to pieces. I would do anything for her but kill. Seriously.

Although neither of us would ever ever EVER admit it we compete when it comes to weight loss. (I secretly think she was happy that I was a fat bride. Bitch.) Her boyfriend just proposed and now she is set to get married within the next year.

And you know what?

I have decided that I will be smaller then she is at her wedding. And I know she is going to drop some pounds so this will be GREAT motivation for me!

How sick am I?

1. I know that if I am thinner than her at her wedding it will make her feel like shit.
2. I am going to starve myself silly to make sure that I will be thinner than her at her wedding.
3. Thus, I am consciously deciding that I want to make her feel like shit at her wedding.

I feel like an outrageous bitch but this is the truth of my feelings.

I am seriously going to open a bar when I get to hell.

Ah well, Happy Friday my lovelies!

Don't eat.

xox

Good news!

I haven't binged in two days.

(Sad huh? That is what I currently deem as success.)

Ah well...

Yay me!!

Onto a 3rd day of binge free living baby! Woot!

xoxoxoxoxoxox

The road to hell.

Every morning I get up with a head full of good intentions.

Today, I will eat responsibility or fast successfully.
Today, I will shine light on my shadows and see myself as I am…and love me anyway.
Today, I will get to the gym and energize my body with movement.
Today, I will clean out my over-flowing in box at work.
Today, I will not drink alcohol.
Today, I will...

Who the fuck am I kidding??

Whoever said “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” was damn right.

I can’t seem to get the b/p under control. Some days are better then others but I am purging every day and the last few days have ended with some out of control binges. I feel horrible. I feel lonely. I feel tired and bloated and generally sad.

My life is far from terrible but I feel like I’m falling to an emotional abyss. I am terrified to tell anyone in my life what is really going on with me. I fear anyone seeing the real fucked up person that I am. I’m pretty convinced they will all leave me alone and fat anyway.

Pitiful huh?

C’est ma vie.

Well, I’ve taken a few laxies this afternoon and hopefully that will help with the bloat and I’m going to do a saltwater flush tomorrow to keep things moving. I am also going to go to the gym tonight after work to try to kick my ass both figuratively and literally.

This never ends does it?
Has anyone in the history of the world ever “won” this game??

Gah. I already want a drink.

Sorry for this bitchy post ladies. I just had to get this off of my chest.

xox!

Escape to Gym Island!

I am leaving work early today to spend the afternoon in the gym.

Did I tell my boss this?  No.

However, my thighs have been put on notice that they will receive NO MERCY this afternoon.

I hate those fucking fat bitches.

Love you guys though!  :)

xox

Ladies...

Meet R....she has been liquid fasting for 22 days.

I wish like hell that I had that level of control right now.